Having two

I was so worried about having two children.  How could I possibly love another child a fraction the amount I love Ethan?  How could I share my heart with another child when Ethan already holds the entire thing? How?? 

I've learned that they don't share, the boys don't compete for anything.  I didn't even know before his arrival that I had a Lance shaped hole in my heart, and that with his birth I was complete.  Ethan doesn't have to share at all and Lance fits right in like the perfect puzzle piece.  I love them both equally and separately. I don't feel the pull like I thought I would, the ache I thought I would experience when I loved Lance and thought it would have to come 'from' my love for Ethan.  Like I would have to love Ethan a little less to love Lance, that my heart couldn't expand any more, for a lack of a better way of describing it.     

But instead my love for Ethan has exploded because of my love for Lance.  Crazy how that works.  Seeing him as a big brother and how caring and loving he is toward Lance completely swells my heart every time.  Before we even get him out of the crib in the morning he's asking to 'see baby,' he kisses him all day, has to know where Lance is at all times, when he cries he tells he 'baby's crying, hungry' and gets me my boppy.  He loves to sit next to me and just stare at Lance and tell me what he's doing.  Ethan is honestly an amazing big brother.  I can't wait to watch their relationship grow. 

Who knows what the future holds, I don't know if I have another child shaped hole in my heart waiting undetected.  We most likely are done having children, I would like one more though Jason is really hesitant, we'll see when we get there.  But there is one thing that is for sure, if we do have another I will not question my ability to love that child, and I know Ethan and Lance will not suffer for it.  It's an amazing feeling to watch your heart grow right in front of your eyes.  For all of you worried about having a second child wipe that worry off your list, I promise it'll be the most amazing experience of your life!