Getting ready for the big day!

Ethan's FIRST birthday!! I got a few things in the mail today, his birthday banner which is pretty dang big, his "1" candle with a little caterpillar crawling up it, some balloons and a cup cake stand! I have a ton more planning to do because the joint party we were doing with my sister and niece isn't happening anymore (found this out yesterday!) so we're back to the drawing board with very little time left! I don't even have a location! (My house is out because we don't have anything for slightly older kids, toys etc. and our back yard is dog poo and sand and basically just boring!) So wish us luck! No matter what I know Ethan will have fun though! As long as there are people to hold and love on him he's cool as a cucumber! :0) That's all we need, a happy little E for his birthday!

“Your birthday is a special time to celebrate the gift of 'you' to the world.”

Why??

I just got word that my cousin's four month old son died in his sleep. I try to imagine what their feeling and I absolutely cannot even fathom a fraction of their pain. It's impossible to know what they are going through without ever having been there, and I pray I never have to go there. I try to imagine something I could say or do that would help, and I've come to the conclusion there is nothing. Nothing will help. When my dad died nothing anyone said helped, and I imagine it's the same for them. So I'll just be there for them and if they need anything they know I'm here, I'm here to listen and be supportive and to cry with them, but so far that's all I have, I just don't want to cause extra pain. (If that's even possible.) Please keep them in your prayers.

CD 1

Yay! New start! This cycle was only about 2 months, so that is much shorter than my average so that good too! I'm thinking about starting to chart again but charting through loooong cycles suck and that is more discouraging than the cycle itself, so we'll see. Now to get through the heavy part of my period with a baby on the run! Always fun!

Meal Planning

This Week-
Bourbon Chicken
Sour Cream Enchiladas
Broccoli and Cheese Soup
Beef Cups (First time trying this!)
Beans and Cornbread
Quinoa and Veggies
Chicken Tortilla Soup

Even though the menu is for seven days it usually last 1.5 to 2 weeks due to left-overs. For all the ingredients for the above meals I spend about $70. Not to bad! When we meal plan we have nicer dinners and spend less money! Funny how that works... We also spend less time doing this, "what do you want for dinner? I don't know, what do you want for dinner? You decide... but I asked you first!" This is going to be a yummy week! :0)

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Author Unknown

Biopsy Done

It was a total surprise. I went the the dermatologist last Tuesday (a mayo clinic Dr) for some bumps Ive had on my hands, I thought she'd take one look, tell me what it is and I'd be on my way. She has NO freakin' clue what's going on with me. She said it's very rare to have a presentation like mine that doesn't itch. She took a biopsy out of my hand and it hurt like farking hell. She first dug around in my hand with a needle to numb it, that was the past that HURT, hurt, hurt. Then (I'm a pansy, so I don't look) Jason starts saying, "don't look now, oh, OH, oh Sandy, DON'T. LOOK. NOW.!!" I'm not looking! Shut up!! So then after was all said and done and I had my juice and ice pack from almost passing out (Did I mention I'm a pansy??) I asked Jason what she did. He said she took out a long straight razor, bent it between her fingers and scooped out my skin. I'm kind of nervous, she'll have the results back in a week or two. :0(


RESULTS- April 10, 2009
I just got off the phone with my dermatologist, they got my biopsy results back- I have Lichen Planus, an autoimmune disease. There's no real treatment but they say topical steroids may make it go away for awhile. It's not contagious and its not dangerous to my health or anything. So I guess that is good news. I only have it on my hands so that's good too. Apparently you can have it in your mouth, hair (head) and genitals. Um, no thanks. My hands are bad enough!
The weird thing is when I looked it up on-line with the American Dermatology Academy, and how they say it presents, and how I am are NOTHING alike, so I think I'm going to bring that up with the Dr when I see her again next month.

Are we done yet??

Same blog, new site!

So what happened to the old site one might ask?? Google deleted my blogs somehow. I opened a gmail account for the Etsy shop I'm opening (more on that sometime later), then I changed the name so I closed the first gmail account (that I had made the day before) and by deleting that account it somehow deleted my entire blogger account. I don't get it.
I blogged about Ethan and things he's done, it went all the way back to when I got pregnant with him and I wanted it back soooo badly. :0(
The really weird thing is my Blogger acct ISNT associated with a google account, its through my school email address which never closed. I NEVER linked anything to the gmail account I opened for 24 hours, I wouldn't have because it was for Etsy and I wouldn't want anything personal link with "business."
So for almost a month and a half I tried getting in touch with Blogger, filled out forms, crawled the help section, which is sooooo not helpful by the way, and nothing. No one got back to me, no one replied. They suck pretty much. So anyway, yesterday I was in search of another route of communication with Blogger, I just wanted to talk to someone! I posted about my problems on a forum I frequent and holy crap!! 2 of the wonderful ladies there that read my blog had access to my old entries!!! Magdalina and Biomaj copied and pasted every. single. entry. I made since 2007 and sent it to my email! They are absolutely amazing and will never know how grateful I am!! I'm so ecstatic to have all those memories back!! Thank you, THANK YOU!!

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

Mother of the Year Award goes to....

March 13, 2009
NOT ME! :0(
This is the first time anything I've done has hurt Ethan. gif" border="0"> He was sitting on the floor playing in his room and I was changing the sheet on his mattress, so I had the whole thing out and was wrestling the damn sheet because it fits so dang tight. Well the mattress got away from me and fell right on top of Ethan! He was facing the other direction so it hit him in the back of the head and laid him out on his face flat on the floor, I think he might have hit his head on a toy too. I felt sooooooo freaking awful. He wailed, but stopped about 30 seconds after I picked him up, then he was happy and back to playing. OMG, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

And he's off!

Ethan learned to crawl a couple days ago! About time, right?! He's not super awesome at it yet but he's getting there. Right now he's pretty quick, but the movement is like a stalled robot, LOL. I have video and pictures to share buuuuut my dang lap top charger still isnt here! Ugg!!! I have month birthday pictures, Valentine's Days pictures and just plain cute ones and they all are trapped on my camera. Gah.

Officially TTC #2!

March 1, 2009
It's official! IUD came out Friday! Though as I suspected it was displaced so it wasn't even working, LOL. So I guess technically we could have gotten pregnant for the last couple months because a displaced IUD is a worthless IUD! But nope, I'm not pregnant. Hopefully we'll have something to share soon!
Today = CD 2... Getting the IUD out triggered my period I guess, so a fresh start! Wish us luck!

Annd the Cherry on Top!!

Ethan erupted in a red bumpy rash over his entire body. Sweet. I thought it was his eczema acting really weird though it had never presented like this before, so we went to the pedi. Its a viral rash, even sweeter. And better? It's from when he was sick two weeks ago and as long the rash is present the diarrhea and vomiting can come back. Please, please no! Oh and a few days ago he developed a blood blister on his gums where is front tooth is coming in, this morning he fell and popped it and blood was everywhere, I didn't even know where it was coming from at first. (Talk about scary!) Now his mouth looks awful though it doesn't seem to be bothering him.
Is this month OVER yet???

How long can this go on??

Ethan has been sick since the 11th. He's been throwing up multiple times a day, running fevers, diarrhea and runny stools 10x as much as usual, so much so that he now has horrible bleeding diaper rash and screams when he goes. He is refusing to eat anything, formula, pedialyte and solids. He have to trick him into eating a few ounces by pretending to put his paci in his mouth and then shoving the bottle in. It takes about an hour to get a few ounces down. The Drs down give a rats ass and no one wants to see him, "it'll run it's course, he should be getting better soon." He's not showing signs of dehydration but I just feel so bad for him! There is nothing we can do but medicate him and give him tons of cuddles and love.
And to top it off?? There's more you ask? Oh yes. There is more! Yay! I spotted not 1 or 2 or even 3, oh no, but FOUR new teeth cutting through! Like he wasnt in enough pain as it is. *sigh* Get better baby, please get better soon.
Love, Mommy

A bowl of warmth, a soft face, a new day. Some get-well thoughts sent your way. Feel better soon.

How is it possible??

My baby is 9 months old! That is just totally insane to me! He has now been on the outside as long as he was on the inside, what a huge milestone! ;0) The even more crazy part is people who got their BFP's after he was born already have had their babies! Whoa! I could have had another baby by now! LOL Not that I would have wanted to though, haha. I miss his little babyness... *sigh*
Pictures to come! My laptop, where I store all my pictures is out of commission because the charger bit the dust. I have a new one coming... hopefully soon!

Babies are such a nice way to start people.
~Don Herrold

YAAYYYY!!!!

I just made our last payment to the hospital for Ethan's birth!! He's *officially* ours! LOL Feels so nice to get things paid off!

"Some debts are fun while you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them."
Ogden Nash

(Speaking only monetarily of course!)

Baby #2 coming soon!!!

Feb 2, 2009

Not 9 months soon, but soon enough!! I'm making an appt to have my IUD taken out this month and then we're off on our TTC #2 adventure! It is so exciting and so scary to think about all at the same time. The only scary part is how will I be there for two babies, comfort E if and when he needs it but also tend to an infants more immediate needs? (like needing to eat every 2-3 hours) I want to be an amazing mom to BOTH of my children, I don't want Ethan to lose anything and I don't want #2 to have anything less than what Ethan had/has. I know it will work out and we will find a way, but that doesn't help the worry right now! For right now E is my one and only and I'm enjoying every second and we'll have to wait to see what the future holds, bring it on! We're ready! (We think!)

If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle.
Vincent van Gogh

Excuses, excuses.

I really was planning on updating today, adding pictures, the whole deal! Buuut, Ethan came down with his first cold which is the saddest thing ever. So the updating will have to wait, but look forward to that! Ha! Also I have news on baby #2, so stay on the edge of your seats! :0)

New Blog!

I have started a new blog!

http://sandys101list.blogspot.com/

I have created this in lieu of the traditional New Years Resolution. It is still in the works but I hope I can keep up with it, get the list done and start marking things off it soon! I'll blog about the trails of the tasks and how I'm doing getting them accomplished! I'm so excited! Feel free to follow my progress! :0)

(I have done everything I can think of to make that dang link clickable but nothing is working! Suggestions?)

First word!!

Ethan said da-da the day after Christmas, we thought it was a fluke but now over the past couple days he has said it so many times its clear, it's definitely da-da!! Jason is such a proud daddy! I'll try to get a video and post it later!
Happy New Year!!

Pictures!!

Better late than never, right?? :0) Here are Ethan's 7 month pictures!! (I'll throw in his 6 month pictures at the bottom too since I was such a slacker and never posted them!)
I can't believe how much he is growing and how big he is! The more amazing thing than that is how much his personality is showing, and how he's starting to really convey how he's feeling and what he wants. Simply put, he is just amazing!







Not being bias or anything, but I think I have the most adorable baby boy EVER!!







I let him play with the sign after we were done, he thought it was great! He kept trying to crinkle it in his hands then would wave it above his head, he loved it!

Here are his six month pictures, sorry they are so late! But they are to cute not to share anyway!







There you have it! Short and sweet! Enjoy!

There is only one happiness in life -- to love and to be loved.

Breastfeeding...

It's the most natural process in the world and everyone can do it!! If you ever hear anyone say that throat-punch them for me, MmKay?? Thanks. Well, I agree with part of that, just about anyone (any woman) can do it, but for some it is excruciatingly hard work.
When Ethan was born he couldn't breastfeed, we tried and tried and he mutilated me. We had several doctors come in and even more lactation consultants and even some helpful nurses. Though he looked like he was getting it he wasn't, he couldn't latch on properly. Some thought he was tongue-tied, most thought he was tongue-tied actually, everyone but his pediatrician which wouldn't allow the procedure to "un-tie" the tongue to be done. So they got me a pump and I started pumping right there in the hospital. Holy embarrassing!! I'm a very shy and modest person and to have someone shove your boob into a machine then turn it on and watch it suck your nipple that far into a tube was mortifying for me! (Not to mention stuff oozing out and people cheering about it!) I wouldn't even let Jason watch, I closed the curtain. Well since Ethan was brand new all I was getting was colostrum, I had to suck it out of the tube and feed him with a syringe, I was doing this about every two hours.
We finally went home where I had a pump that my neighbor gave me (never been used) it was a cheap one though I planned on getting a nicer double electric soon, but since the "plan" was always to breastfeed him then maybe in a month or so start pumping for a freezer stash I hadn't bought 'my' pump yet. I get home starting my pumping routine and get barely anything, though I think this is normal since my milk just came in. The next morning was pure hell. My breasts felt like huge topographical globes with ducts sticking out a half inch or so all over the place with lumps the size of golf balls. I. freaked. out. I got out of bed and tried to pump and that did nothing, I then called the Lactation Consultant, they said they were booked for the day but she would try to help me over the phone until she could see me the next day. Well I was near hysterical, though I tried not to cry on the phone, but she heard it in my voice and I'm sure knew I wouldn't make it to the next day with my sanity intact. She shifted things, called someone in and said if I came now she could see us. Well long story short, the pump I had totally sucked and I was engorged, seriously engorged. We went immediately and bought a better pump and I overflowed the collection bottles!
Well many more times of being engorged, dozens of incredibly painful clogged ducts, milk blisters, huge supplement pills and hundreds of pumping sessions later here I am! Let me tell you though, I HATED breastfeeding, absolutely hated it. I hated pumping, I hated everything about it. I had goals, the first was 6 weeks and holy moly that was the slowest 6 weeks of my life. Then it was 3 months, then 6 months and here I am now almost 8 months and still BF'ing and actually loving it! I got Ethan back on the breast around 9 weeks old and totally off pumping a couple weeks after that. It was so freeing. He didn't hurt me and it was fabulous.
I vowed not to quit on a bad day, that if I did I would most likely regret it forever, that if I had waited "one more day" it would have gotten better. Well on the good days I didn't want to quit, I loved being victorious and doing the best thing ever for my son! Though on the bad days, ohhh the bad ones, I would have given anything to rip my breasts off and throw them out the window.
Then the bomb. A month ago we went to the Dr and Ethan hadn't gained weight in two months, they are suppose to gain an ounce a day and he actually lost 4 ounces. My breast milk wasn't enough anymore. The Dr said if Ethan didn't start gaining weight it could lead to irreversible developmental problems and brain damage. It was such a huge blow, I was just stunned. I did my best not to cry as he cleared up that it was not happening now but we needed to figure out what was going on, I barely heard anything he said after that though. I go through hell to give him nothing but 'the best' just to have his Dr say, "add formula." Now I know formula is not poison and babies do great on it, that said, I DO NOT want my kid on it! I produce antibodies for him, I protect him with all the "goodies" that are made just for him, my milk changes just for his needs, it is not the same today as it was yesterday and yesterday was not the same as a month ago and so on. You don't see a damn formula can doing that!! Formula tries to imitate breast milk but can't even come close! And yet here I am, after I breastfeed him I'm having to give him formula... and now he's gaining weight. I HATE that the stupid can of powder can do more for him than I can. I hate that I am defeated. Insult to injury? Ethan is self-weaning now. He's screaming at the breast and not feeding well because he knows something easier is coming afterward and my supply is seriously suffering from it. I'm so sad about it all, and will probably be done by January if this continues. 8 months is better than nothing right? Better than six months and way better than 6 weeks which was my original goal due to the hatred and the pain. So I should be proud, but I just feel deflated and defeated. For him to be healthy he needs to gain weight, for him to gain weight he needs formula, period. All I've ever wanted was a healthy baby. I just don't know what else to say.

"When a man is pushed, tormented, defeated, he has a chance to learn something."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits."
Richard M. Nixon

Ethan is 7 month's old!!

WOW!! He is getting so big, so fast! He's totally loving all the freedom that being older brings as well. He gets to sit on the floor all by himself and play with his toys, it is his absolute favorite thing to do! I cannot wait for Christmas and all the new things that he is going to have, I think he going to completely light up. Speaking of, we need a toy box for everything we are going to have by the end of the month, his room is going to be a mess!!
As of now he is getting 2 teeth and more hair! My baby is growing up! Im going to miss my bald toothless baby but am looking forward to what's to come! Pictures coming soon!

HAPPY 7 MONTH BIRTHDAY ETHAN!!

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.

# 2 on its way!

Ethan's 2nd tooth! First one cut the day after Thanksgiving and I spotted the tip of # 2 night before last while I was giving him his bath! No wonder he's chewing on anything and everything within arms reach! Poor little thing! He's having a hard time sleeping, crying and chewing on everything. Also for the first time in about two months he taken to tearing up his face again with his nails, he has scratches all over his forehead and nose from where he claws himself in the middle of the night. Hopefully #2 will come through and then the others will wait a little while so he can have so relief and mommy and daddy can get some rest!

All good things come in two's.

First Tooth!

Ethan cut his first tooth the day after Thanksgiving!! It's now just a tiny bit above his gums and so cute! You can't look at it very much though because anytime you touch his lip to try and peek in he sticks out his tongue blocking everything, LOL. So you have to be sneaky and look in while he's smiling, hence why I don't have a picture of it yet! So now that the tooth is here when will teething hell go away??

Other than a dimple in a cute little chin,
What's more adorable than a toothless grin?
Azu "Betty" Espezia

I'm going to miss his toothless grin!

Now don't get angry!!

Nov 15, 2008
I put up our Christmas tree last night! :0) It came in the mail and I couldn't resist! I know, I know I should have waited till after Thanksgiving buuut last year we didn't have a tree, we didn't have decorations, we didn't have anything and Christmas is my favorite holiday so it's like I'm making up for the lost decoration time from last year! ;0) With a toddler running around next year I'm sure this will be the only year it's up early so I'm just going to enjoy it! Ill post pictures later! Also coming up Ethan's late six months post!

Brace yourselves!! It's going to be a long one!

11/8/08
I'm going to attempt to recap my trip back home and share a ton of pictures!
Jason, Ethan and myself went to the mountains to visit my mom and step dad for a while. We went in separate cars because Jason was going to leave after a few days to go hunting with his brother (his brother got a deer, he didn't) and I was going to stay with my mom while he was gone so I didnt have to be alone the whole time and care for Ethan all by myself for over a week!
For the few days that Jason was there we just hung out together, went to town, walked around and just relaxed. We also made dinner for my parents which was nice!







Ethan and daddy spending some special time together before he left for his trip!





The day before Halloween Jason had to leave to meet his brother to go hunting, so we were on our own! That night we hung out with my mom and step dad. I made an awesome Zuppa which neither of them had ever tried! They really liked it even though we couldn't find the kale to finish it off in my small home town. Ethan spent much of the evening smiling and laughing, completely loving his jumperoo!









He also wanted to sit on the couch like a big boy and show off his Daddy's Helper romper and he ended up just putting on a cute show for everyone! I have such an unbelievably happy baby!







~HALLOWEEN~
Well the plan all along for Halloween was to go to mid-town and walk through the shops with Ethan in his lion costume. Halloween is typically the time of our first snow so I bought footed sleepers and long sleeve shirts to go under his already warm suit to keep him cozy for the walk. Well when the time came the weather was soo wrong! It was soo hot! I couldn't take him out that way. My mom works at the hospital so we just took him down there and dressed him up to show him off to her friends and co-workers, she was absolutely beaming!













After that we went to the salon where I cut 12 inches off of my hair! It is so short now! I really like it, though I am surprised that short hair is far more work than long hair. Also short hair gets waay worse bed head! Ha! Though I really do like it. (Sorry, I don't have any pics of my hair because I haven't learned how to style it right yet!)
When we got home we carved our pumpkins making sure to save the seeds so we could soak and bake them. Homemade pumpkin seeds are the best!



My mom and step dad's pumpkins.



Jason, Ethan and my pumpkin family!



The next day my mom and I decided that we needed to "go down the hill" to another town where much of my family lives. I hadn't seen any of them since I announced I was pregnant more than a year ago. We took Ethan down to meet my grandparents, brother, great aunt and some cousins! It went great! They all loved him and he was sooo good though with the time change and everything Ethan's schedule got really screwed up and he had (and still is) having a hard time adjusting to it. That made for a fussy baby in the end. So we said our goodbye's and headed back up to mom's. It was so nice to see everyone!



Meeting my brother Joey for the first time!





Meeting my grandma and grandpa, they thought he was the best thing since sliced bread!



Ethan and my Great Aunt Wynn





Ethan and I listening to my aunt tell childhood stories.

I had an absolutely wonderful time at my mom's! While so much more happened than I wrote about (like me getting sick for 3 days and only getting 5 hours sleep stretched over those days... ick) I think I've hit all the highlights! I wish we could go more often but traveling with a baby for a lengthy period of time is like traveling with the circus. We brought 2 cars, and thank goodness because everything just for Ethan wouldn't have fit into only one! Insane!

"Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to."

Updates to come!

I'm still in the mountains visiting my mom enjoying the trees and the weather! Ill be back Wed or Thursday and post about the trip! Halloween pics of Ethan to come! Too Cute!