Crap.

We went to the allergist today for Ethan. He is allergic to eggs, crap! He just started having french toast for breakfast and looooooooooves it, and now he can't have it anymore, this totally sucks! Hopefully taking eggs out of his diet will help clear up his skin though, we'll see. We go back in a month and I need to get a blood panel done on him but I think I'm going to wait till he's a little older to do that. One thing at a time!

Pregnant

That's what the test I took this morning said! While I've known this for a few days, I saved my digital for now. The funny/cool part is this is the other digital from the package that I used was from when I found I was pregnant with Ethan! Yes, I've had it that long! :0) Crazy, eh?
I'm feeling much better now and really think I just happened to be under the weather when I got my BFP, I'm super tired and my appetite is already gone, but other than that, doing great!

4w

My goal this time...

Is to not rush things and truly enjoy it all. With Ethan I was so excited for the next step, once we got there I barely took time to enjoy it till I couldn't wait for the next big thing! This could be the last time I'm ever 3 weeks pregnant, (4 tomorrow!) and I want to just enjoy each day for what it is. I want 3 kids, Jason thinks he wants only 2, so only time will tell if this is indeed my last pregnancy. I'm not saying that I won't look forward to the 2nd trimester, or movement, or showing or any of those wonderful things, but I don't want to be fixated and stuck in the "I can't wait for X" mode, I want to be about the here and now!
More importantly though, I want to enjoy every. single. second. I have alone with Ethan, this is such a special time and I want to freeze time and just hold him... if he'll let me! I worry how this will all affect him, but I believe that just knowing we are going to have to be extra sensitive to his needs and shower extra love on him once this baby gets closer and after s/he arrives will help him the most. I think he'll do awesome and we're just over thinking everything, like usual.

In other news- Ethan walked half way across the living room today before sitting down and crawling the rest of the way to me! I cried, haha!

Bittersweet....

Today, June 27, 2009 is such a wonderful day! We found out we are expecting baby #2 and couldn't be happier, but today three years ago, June 27, 2006 was one of the worst days of my life. Today three years ago I lost my dad, I never even got to say goodbye. By the time I made it to him he was already in a coma and my family put it on me to decide whether or not to pull the life support. It was not peaceful, and it is not something I'll ever get out of my head. He was such a great dad, so funny and kind. I wish so much he were here and we could share today with him, celebrate with him and not know the pain of three years ago. But it is real, so real, knock you in the stomach get physically ill real. I miss him. I love you dad.

I'll leave you with a picture of him is his "younger days" at Disneyland with Betty Boop! :0)

Two lines....

One very faint but still there.... I'm pregnant!! OMG!! Even though we were trying, and I felt like crap and I knew this was coming I am still shocked! LOL The emotions are still very ping pongy- one second happy as can be, the next scared shitless, the next nervous, etc. you get the point!
I think my main thing is Ethan, when I saw the second line my first thought wasn't for me, it was for Ethan, 'what did we just do to him?' I know he'll be fine and love his little brother or sister dearly, but now he's going to have to share me and dad, and that makes me sad. I saw this poem a while back and saved it for this day...

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. Author Unknown

My goodness, that makes me cry. I know everything will be okay, and I'm soo excited for this new chapter and this new baby, but I'm also a little sad and I'd like to think that is okay too.

Our dog is a FREAK.

We took all four dogs in for their vaccinations today, three of them did fine, Zoey went INSANE. The vet just pick her up and she started wailing, screaming bloody murder and going ape-shit in her hands, so they put a towel over her so they could hold her better (because she's small and so she wouldn't bite them) and while screaming and thrashing around she started pooping and peeing everywhere. She had to get two shots and they had to do them while she was moving and kicking because she just completely went off the deep end. I have a feeling she's going to be sore, a shot in each hip poor thing.
This is also the same dog on hormone therapy, which I don't know if it's working to well because she peed in Jason's truck seat today while waiting for the vet. *sigh* One thing it is doing though is making her hump our larger dog constantly. Like crazy hump, vibrating so hard and going so fast and furious it's almost funny. When we yell at her and she gets off Bailey's leg she still has 'residual humping' and is air humping for a few seconds just to slow down and stop, like I said, a FREAK.
Maybe I should try to get video, what do you think??

Dangerously Close!

Ethan is thisclose to walking! He took three steps tonight, I'm so proud of him! (He took two steps a few days ago) He doesn't fall, he just sits down and then crawls the rest of the way, I'm guess because it is much faster for him right now. He'll take a few steps then collapse in my lap and lay his head down for a few seconds then pop up to be stood up again. So, so cute! I love him so much, every time he took a step my eyes welled up with tears. I'm going to miss my baby so much, walking toddler here we come!

Whoa temp!! where ya goin'?!

Chart

Looking good so far! :0)

Yay!!

Yesterday was my birthday, the big 24, LOL. I spent the whole day working for a photographer that said it would be "2 or so hours" and ended up being from 10am till 9:30pm... 2 hours my ass! So Jason and I are calling a re-do and today is my 'birthday' :0) he made me breakfast, he's going to give me a massage and in general extra pampering! I love him!
I did get a couple things yesterday to make it a little special. Jason got me a beautiful card and flowers, my mom sent a flower arrangement in a basket and I got a ton of phone calls, texts and facebook messages wishing me a wonderful day. It was nice! What else did I get might you ask?? A positive OPK!! Eek! And it was CD 14, how much more 'normal' can you get?! I know it was drug induced but still, I'm so pumped! With Ethan on Clomid I didn't O till CD 21, which is pretty dang late for Clomid.
I did the OPK dip test, and since I've never seen a positive OPK I didn't believe it at first. I actually had to look up the directions to the OPK on the internet to confirm it was indeed positive! I thought for sure I was thinking the wrong line was the control line and I was getting my hopes up for nothing. :0) LOL So overall it was a good day!

This week's Meal Plan

• Posole
• Brats and beans
• Cowboy Bake
• Zuppa
• Chicken and Rice one dish bake
• Chicken Tortilla Soup
• Breakfast! :0) (Eggs, hash browns and either sausage or bacon!)

Meal planning is such a stress reliever and money saver! I think the two go together... anyway, yummy week coming up!

Well...

I just finished my 50mg round of Clomid. Hoping for ovulation, pregnancy would be awesome, but right now I'm just looking to O! If that happens, then watch out! Over-analysis here I come! :0)

Poop and Beans

MMmm!! Right??
No. We shall start from the beginning. I went and got Ethan up from his nap, took off his sleep sack and plopped him onto the changing pad to change his diaper. I could tell by the smell we had a twosie on our hands (Scrubs anyone??) Anyway, I undo his diaper and instead of a nice little easy to clean turdlet, there is a shit-ton (yes that was necessary) of super soft, play doughish poo. Ick. I hate these diapers, so I get a wipe, lift his tush annnd he reaches down with the speed of a jungle cat and grabs a hand full... oh shit... in every sense of the word.
I'm stunned. I don't know what to do, I have a crap covered wipe in one hand, his feet in the other hand, he has now squished his hands together so both hands are covered in his own feces. I have no place to put the poo wipe because it usually goes in the diaper, I cant finish with the diaper change because he'll eat his own crap if I don't get it off his hands, stat. Okkaayyy... I look around and see a metal play pail he has in his room, Sweet! I'll put poo wipes in there! In it goes, I then re-stick the diaper back on, poo and all and go for his hands. So. Much. Poo. I open one of his hands to clean it and beans fall out... OMG, Eww!!! He had some beans for dinner last night and apparently he didn't chew all of them, so gross. So the beans are falling out of the goop onto his chest, the floor and the changer. Then I realize I'm going to run out of wipes before he's remotely clean. So I decide to clean up the poo chunks and beans, throw them in the pail and to take Ethan to the sink to wash his hands.
****
Side story-
We bought a Boon Frog Toy Pod and I installed the sticky part this morning, and for 24 hours following that you cant even have moisture in the tub. So I couldn't put E in his bathtub with his toys and bath seat because this damn thing was still drying. The temp in there has to stay high as well for this thing to dry so I had a heater sprawled across the room and then the pod and basket from it are on the sink, just a disaster and soo in the way.
****
So I get Ethan in there, jump the heater, clear the sink a little and wash his hands while he tries to grab everything off the counter, take off his bib, shirt and socks and go back to his room to actually change his diaper. This time I occupy his hands by giving him is favorite thing to play with, his vitamin bottle. Off goes the diaper annd in goes the vitamin bottle! CRAP!!!! How the hell did that happen?!!?
So let assess. We now have crap on the hands, again. Crap on the vitamins. A still dirty diaper and a VERY happy kid. I was soo done at this point. He HAS to have a bath though he's never had one without his bath seat, (in the bathroom that I cant use the tub in) so I decide to put him in our tub and see how it goes. I half-assed cleaned his tush, took his naked butt to our bath room and start the water. I stand him next to the tub so he can bang on it and go get his soap and some toys. Come back and he's crawling around naked which of course is kind of cute! :0) I stand him back up next to the tub while I check the temp and get the toys in, then hear something. I don't even want to know at this point. I look down and he's peeing down the outside of the tub. (I know some of you may remember our bath room has freakin' carpet in it) Are you kidding??? Nope, because after he finishes he thinks it would be great to hold it a little point another direction and let it go again. Now there is pee everywhere. In the bath he goes, lathered from head to toe and rinsed. He loved it w/o the bath seat by the way! Way more stressful for me though as he wanted to stand up a lot. I get him out, dried, diapered and dressed. Then cleaned the shit pail. What a fun afternoon!

Man's Best Friend

Let look back for a moment shall we??? A moment from about a week ago...

We have four dogs (I know we're insane) so normal years vaccinations coming up- $51 ea. $204 total. We took Tiki to the vet last night and she has planus as well as an ulcer in her eye and one forming in her other eye- $45 office visit, $62 eye drops and $26 corneal stain- Total last night- $145. She has to go back in a week for a follow up (another $45) and if the ulcer hasn't got significantly better or is not gone we're off the the canine eye Dr. ($$$$$$)

We also had Zoey checked because she's now peeing in her sleep and is incontinent, she's 2. They want to do a UA on her, so needle urine collection and a urine analysis for her to start. Just the testing, about $300. OMG help me, the total is around $700. That's not including any more meds for either of the little dogs (which they'll need), and assuming there with be NO more complications with Tiki's eye's and nothing more needed for Zoey (unlikely). When it rains it POURS.

Soo, it's been a week. And the doggie verdict? Tiki's ulcer is looking better but not gone, so we're still doing the $62 a bottle eye drop every four hours, this dog is going to kill me (bank and sanity!). We are to keep this up ohhh say about a month and go back and have another look. Zoey is now on hormone replacement therapy... omg, I never thought I'd say that about a dog, let alone pay for it. Please let this make her stop peeing on everything in her sleep. Jason is thisclose to taking her out... and I'm not talking outside. Whew, this is exhausting!

CD 2!

I waited till today to confirm that yesterday was CD 1, and I'm convinced! LOL Since my body has been doing weird, 'here comes you period... PSYCH!!' games with me I thought I'd make sure the flow stayed until the next day and here we are. Cycle two is over and came in at 47 days, not to bad for me honestly. My Dr gave me the script for Clomid since my cycles are still long and I didn't get any positive OPK's for the last 2 cycles, she wants me on it. Jason and I have some thinking to do, if I should take it, or if we should wait. This is much faster than last time. I know Clomid doesn't equal a baby, it just hopefully equals ovulation and the chance for a baby, so far we haven't even gotten the chance. That's all we can ask for. Though we better decide quick, CD 5 is coming up real soon!