Poop and Beans

MMmm!! Right??
No. We shall start from the beginning. I went and got Ethan up from his nap, took off his sleep sack and plopped him onto the changing pad to change his diaper. I could tell by the smell we had a twosie on our hands (Scrubs anyone??) Anyway, I undo his diaper and instead of a nice little easy to clean turdlet, there is a shit-ton (yes that was necessary) of super soft, play doughish poo. Ick. I hate these diapers, so I get a wipe, lift his tush annnd he reaches down with the speed of a jungle cat and grabs a hand full... oh shit... in every sense of the word.
I'm stunned. I don't know what to do, I have a crap covered wipe in one hand, his feet in the other hand, he has now squished his hands together so both hands are covered in his own feces. I have no place to put the poo wipe because it usually goes in the diaper, I cant finish with the diaper change because he'll eat his own crap if I don't get it off his hands, stat. Okkaayyy... I look around and see a metal play pail he has in his room, Sweet! I'll put poo wipes in there! In it goes, I then re-stick the diaper back on, poo and all and go for his hands. So. Much. Poo. I open one of his hands to clean it and beans fall out... OMG, Eww!!! He had some beans for dinner last night and apparently he didn't chew all of them, so gross. So the beans are falling out of the goop onto his chest, the floor and the changer. Then I realize I'm going to run out of wipes before he's remotely clean. So I decide to clean up the poo chunks and beans, throw them in the pail and to take Ethan to the sink to wash his hands.
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Side story-
We bought a Boon Frog Toy Pod and I installed the sticky part this morning, and for 24 hours following that you cant even have moisture in the tub. So I couldn't put E in his bathtub with his toys and bath seat because this damn thing was still drying. The temp in there has to stay high as well for this thing to dry so I had a heater sprawled across the room and then the pod and basket from it are on the sink, just a disaster and soo in the way.
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So I get Ethan in there, jump the heater, clear the sink a little and wash his hands while he tries to grab everything off the counter, take off his bib, shirt and socks and go back to his room to actually change his diaper. This time I occupy his hands by giving him is favorite thing to play with, his vitamin bottle. Off goes the diaper annd in goes the vitamin bottle! CRAP!!!! How the hell did that happen?!!?
So let assess. We now have crap on the hands, again. Crap on the vitamins. A still dirty diaper and a VERY happy kid. I was soo done at this point. He HAS to have a bath though he's never had one without his bath seat, (in the bathroom that I cant use the tub in) so I decide to put him in our tub and see how it goes. I half-assed cleaned his tush, took his naked butt to our bath room and start the water. I stand him next to the tub so he can bang on it and go get his soap and some toys. Come back and he's crawling around naked which of course is kind of cute! :0) I stand him back up next to the tub while I check the temp and get the toys in, then hear something. I don't even want to know at this point. I look down and he's peeing down the outside of the tub. (I know some of you may remember our bath room has freakin' carpet in it) Are you kidding??? Nope, because after he finishes he thinks it would be great to hold it a little point another direction and let it go again. Now there is pee everywhere. In the bath he goes, lathered from head to toe and rinsed. He loved it w/o the bath seat by the way! Way more stressful for me though as he wanted to stand up a lot. I get him out, dried, diapered and dressed. Then cleaned the shit pail. What a fun afternoon!