Please Pray

I take classes 9-11:30 Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and my sweet neighbor watches Ethan for me while I'm in class. She has a 2.5 year old son that when he was 9 months old was diagnosed with a VERY, VERY rare blood disorder. He has a port in his chest, gets chemo, and blood drawn several times a week. All this causes him to be immunosuppressed. Well Sunday they were over for dinner and Ian (her son) felt warm, we took his temp and it was high, not good. So I went to the ER with her so her DH could stay home and rest because he had to work the next day. We were in the ER till 3am, they took blood and gave antibiotics just in case. We came home and his fever was down, then the next day it shot up and he had to go back in. The Dr's say he has Swine Flu, which is very dangerous for him and his condition. Please pray for a speedy recovery for this little boy and for strength for his parents. I don't know how they handle it, it's so scary. Thanks.

Long time no see!

I havent blogged in a while! First, Ethan was sick, then we were preparing for our trip to Colorado, then went for 4 days, then I bought back a wonderful cold and now Ethan has it poor guy, and Jason just called and said he's getting sick. Wonderful. So that's what we've been up too! A lot of traveling and being sick! Hopefully soon I'll post some pictures from our trip and really catch everyone up, as for now, E is sleeping and Im working on a photo book for my first skill building photography client! <-- I should probably elaborate more on that later too!

Ethan...

Is sick. :0( For the last couple days he's been really crabby and clingy, then yesterday his nose starting running rivers, last night he developed a cough, and today he had a 102.5 fever, so we took him in. Turns out he has a cold and an ear infection. He's on antibiotics for the EI and just riding out the cold. Poor kid cant sleep cause he cant breathe. He is so. tired. Pray my little boy feels better soon!

Got the weepies...

This happens a least every couple months, but it's happened much more recently. With the miscarriage, the death of my friend who left behind her 7 year old daughter and the passing of yet another of my dad's birthday's I just get to thinking about life.

I fail to remember sometimes how incredibly luck I am. Honestly, I don't think what I have is ordinary, not by far. I am so blessed, with a man that loves me so, so much and with an amazing son. Ordinary? No. I am still blown away by how amazing Jason is, how much he loves me and how much he does just because. He works to support his family and comes home and is instantly 'daddy,' he takes over Ethan, plays with him and loves on him. It melts my heart. He does most of the cooking, and at least half the cleaning (including the bathrooms!). He takes the time to make me feel special and loved by a special touch, a random hug and kiss and really tunes into me as his wife, not only as the mother of his child.

He affords me the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, and completely supports my life at home with Ethan. We both feel so strongly about the fact that since we have the means for me to be home that it is the most important place for me to be. We'd rather be 'losing' money with me at home then paying someone else to hang out with our son all day, I want to do that. I want to be there for everything for him, and Jason completely supports that and loves it for our family.

What gets me super weepy is when I think of Ethan. I think about what would happen if I suddenly died. He is to young to even remember me, to remember the feeling of a hug and how we would play. He would never know how much I loved him. Things like this, things I cannot control, worry me sick sometimes. These are the reasons I write him letters, so that if something were to happen to me he would have something from me to him, and only him. It also really breaks my heart that with the thousands of pictures I have of him only a hand full (probably less than 20) are of him and I, it's like I don't exist. I'm always behind the camera. I need more ways to let him know how much I love him, there aren't enough ways to tell him how much I love him. I love him.

I've had better days

Today is my dad's birthday. For those of you that don't know, he passed away June, 06' of multiple organ failure due to liver disease. Im just seriously missing him. I just wish so much that he were here, that he would have been able to be at my wedding, hang out with Jason and be the absolutely amazing grandpa I know he would have been. I feel like Ethan is missing out on so much because he doesnt have the chance to ever know his grandpa. Life is so unfair sometimes.

Great. I just got a call from Jason that he has to work a swing shift tonight after his day shift, so a 16 hour day. He wont be home till midnight. Awesome.

Im thinking of calling my sister and seeing if she wants to do anything today. The State Fair just opened and it was one of my dad's favorite things to do, maybe we can go do that or something. With Jason not coming home I need out of the house.

Round 2

Second iMac.... let's see how this goes. Im cautiously excited.

It's dead. :0(

My brand new iMac that is. After about 5 hours on the phone with tech support, we finally got the message that "Drive has reported fatal hardware error to Disk Utility" Hard drive is bad. So rare for it come that way out of the box. Got it yesterday, sent it back today. :0( What's even more awesome???? It is now on back order... so I canceled the order all together. Maybe I'll try to find it somewhere else. Still totally sucks and is so disappointing!
OH! And icing on the cake?? It cost $189 to ship it back, hopefully I'll get reimbursed for that!

Wow. Just wow.

I got my new computer yesterday, woot! So I go to put it on my desk and scoot in back... doesn't fit. Powned. So awesome. So we cut a hole in my desk to fit it. (The way my desk is there is a shelf above it, the monitor doesn't fit under the shelf.) Finally we get it in and all comfy and what happens? The damn thing CRASHES. Seriously. Ive spend 1.5 hours on the phone with tech support and he cant figure it out, Im probably going to have to take it in today (an hour drive one way) to switch it out. Ugh. This is so frustrating, I got a Mac in part to avoid problems like THIS.
Even more awesome? Jason HATES Macs and thinks this is sooo funny because I say Macs are better, now he's just laughing at me. LOL I admit it is a little humerous though. Thank goodness I didnt have anything on it yet, so there is nothing lost but time.

The excitement doesn't stop there!!!

Last night we ordered my new iMac and CS4 software and it will be here tomorrow!!!! I got a 3.06GHz with a 24-inch glossy widescreen display (I wanted a matte screen for editing but they dont do matte in the iMac's ) 4GB memory, 1TERABYTE hard drive and a 8x SuperDrive! Im so, so, so, excited! This is my Christmas present! Now I need to think of something equally as exciting for DH for Christmas as this computer and software is for me!
This is going to be so great for my editing class, we have that class one day a week and I can only use the software at school right now and one day just isnt enough to be able to learn this stuff. I can't go another time because by the time DH gets home from home to watch Ethan the labs are closed.
I now have the tools I need to really get my photography off the ground, now I just need to jump in and learn, learn, practice and learn!!

Everything is finally here!!!

First I got my lens, worthless without a camera. Totally sucked, but I could wait for my camera to get here. A week later my camera came!! YAAY! But guess what wasn't here?? My memory card! Arg! TORTURE! Soo the card came today!! I'm soo excited to get started and start learning this camera, it's amazing and I want to use it to its fullest potential! WOOT! I'm also pumped to stop spending money right now, over $2,000 dollars later, Im tired of spending money!

Back to School!

School started this week, but this time around I'm taking classes I WANT to take, not ones I have to take! YAY! I'm in a Photography class as well as a Digital Editing class exclusively in CS4. I'm so pumped about the things I'm going to learn in these classes. It's going to be such a huge leap in hopefully turning my photography into a business. The photography class was good! It's going to start with a foundation of traditional film photography and we're going to be developing our own photos in the darkroom (which is so creepy!), then after a few weeks we'll include digital into the class (and can choose to shoot either firm or digital from then on). She says we'll learn a lot about exposure and lighting, as well as composure, and other techniques and processes. It's also going to go into CS4 a little with the best way to store digital images, etc. This will probably be overlapping though with the editing class on Wednesdays, but I think the review will be great! I'm excited!


The first day Ethan bawled when I walk towards the door and he tried to chase me, when I closed the door I heard him crying soo hard and started crying myself. I dont know how people do this! I hope it gets better, she said after about a minute he was fine, but I hope maybe we can get to a point with no tears for both of us. The second day and today were better, he cried, but for less that 30 seconds then calmed down and started playing with the cars, so that's a start! We'll see how it goes!

Why does this crap happen??

Here is a C&P of the progress over the last 24 hours for a friend of mine... (from my message board)

I work with a girl (we both work for the same photographer) and she was in a horrible car accident today. Her mom called her that her dad collapsed at church and was being transported to the hospital, she was trying to get to town to get to her dad, it was raining and she was on the interstate and lost control and hit two other cars. She's in a coma, has brain damage (they dont know how much), and a punctured lung among other bodily injuries. They give her less that a 50% chance of survival. She's a single mom of a 6 year girl. I feel so awful. She could really use some thoughts/prayers. Thanks.

UPDATE: They did a scan this morning to see if there is blood getting to her brain, if not the family has already made arrangements for organ donation. :0( I can't believe this. Her daughter's birthday is Sunday, she's 24, it's just not right, I just can't believe this.

update: She just died, she's gone. This world sucks, there is to much loss for NO reason.

Seriously? Did this need to happen? No. So why did it?? Along with this why are so many people lately losing babies, and family members? I don't understand this world, I really don't. I know I never will, but this just shows you never, ever will.

I have crosshairs!!!

It's looking like I ovulated! ON MY OWN! Woot!

.::HAPPY DANCE::.

I just got a positive OPK!!!!!!!!! Ive NEVER had a positive OPK without Clomid!! I was suuuuperr hoping the hormones from the miscarriage would jolt my body into working, even if just for one cycle, and it looks like it might be!!! Holy crap!! I hoped the same thing after pregnancy and delivery, but nope! Glad it happened now! You should have seen my happy dance, I think I scared Ethan! LOL!
I had to pull up the directions to the OPK's online because I couldnt remember which was the control line, lol, and there was *no way* it was actually positive! (It really is) I only took it because I'd had EWMC the last few days and curiosity got the best of me, this is amazing. :0)
Here's my chart for you stalkers out there!

In a funk.

With everything that has happened lately, I feel totally defeated. I don't want to blog, I don't want to go to Mom's Club outings, I don't want to do anything really. Just blah. I should be 10 weeks pregnant and looking forward to the second trimester, but here I sit, very not pregnant and just sad and ticked off.
I have to get my blood drawn to see if my levels went back to zero since my pregnancy test last week was still positive ::kick in the gut::. She said to do it after the 10th. I'm hoping that by some miracle and with some luck, (though we know how that goes for me --> not good!) I'll have gotten pregnant again, and we'll see my numbers already going up. Chances are so slim, I will had to have ovulated, a feat in itself for me, and had good timing, annnnd actually gotten pregnant. Not probable. I guess I just need something to hope for right now, and this is it. :0) I think I'll go in Saturday when I go to town. Hopefully everything is okay.