Dinner still needs to be made, the kitchen cleaned, the floors picked up. Ethan still needs to be played with and loved, and above all he needs normalcy. He's very sensitive to the mood of the house and gets upset when I'm upset, so I plaster a smile on my face for him and pretend like nothing is wrong. Jason and I are having such a hard time with this, I think the worst part is the unknown, if we knew for certain what was going on then we could wrap our heads around it and go from there. But we don't, we don't know, there is hopeful things out there too that keeps our hope alive. Also I read that with a retroverted uterus (like I have) it can make it harder to see things in the uterus via ultrasound in the early stages and is the cause of some misdiagnosed miscarriages. While that doesnt account for my numbers, it helps a little.
I'm doing better and holding onto hope, I've only cried once today and once yesterday and that was while taking my PNV and Expecta. I hate this limbo, I hate knowing what is most likely to happen but outwardly everything seems 'perfect.' Had I not called about the tiny bit of pink on the TP we wouldn't even know any of this and would be blissfully unaware. Funny how things work out.
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